Getting there was half the battle:
2 weeks before the wedding, Rocha invited me and I accepted. He gave me the date but wasn't sure about the time yet. Fine. As the days go by, I ask repeatedly what time the ceremony starts and what I should wear. The answers usually went something like this, "Oh Brigid, you can do whatever you want!" Not helpful. Finally, 2 days before the wedding he tells me it starts at 4:00. "Does it really start at 4:00? Or is that Angolan time and it's actually going to start at 6:00?" I ask him, "Oh no! It definitely starts at 4:00," he assures me. OK, we'll see about that.
I got some mixed messages about the dress code as well. Rocha told me I could wear a suit (not happening) and my female co-worker told me she was going to wear jeans. Again, not helpful.
On Friday afternoon, Rocha calls me to tell me that the ceremony will now begin at 3:00 but if I want I can meet the bride (who I don't know) and her family at her house and go with them. Uhhh, no thanks. I schedule the driver to pick me up at my house at 4:00 because I know that there is no possible way this thing is going to start on time. Learn and adapt.
I didn't know exactly where the hall was so my other co-worker told me to have my driver call him when we were on the way. Of course, when I called him his phone was not in service (that happens a lot, especially when you really need to speak with someone). I called another co-worker but she didn't know where it was either. "Just call Rocha and ask him," she says. Are you serious? It's his wedding day! Left without options and an annoyed driver, I reluctantly called Rocha, who was happy to give directions. Rocha instructed me to wait in the car until he arrived. Note at this point, it's about 4:45, remember when he told me it started at 3:00? I got to the hall and waited about 30 more minutes for him to arrive. Finally, around 5:30, his friend escorts me up to the room where the meeting of the families is about to begin....
10 cases of beer and a pant suit:
This is where it gets interesting. Rocha's friends and male family members start lugging cases of soda and beer into the room and placing it in the space between the two families. The guest next to me informs me that these are the gifts being offered to the bride's family. So I guess this is the going rate for an Angolan bride these days. Once all the gifts are in place, the bride's uncle reads a list of the items while the groom's uncle presents them. This list has already been agreed upon prior to the ceremony, so this is a way to prove that the groom has indeed purchased the necessary gifts. Also included were shoes for the bride's father and a pant suit for her mother.
After this, the groom enters the room, while the bride is still in an undisclosed location. Now the families must decide on a date for the casamento, which is the legal wedding. In this case, the bride, Marcia, is pregnant, so her family would like the official wedding to be sooner rather than later. The groom's family, who just shelled out big bucks on beer and soda and who also need to pay for the casamento, would like to push it back a year. This results in a disagreement that required the aunts and uncles of each family to discuss it among themselves and then report to the other side. It looked something like this:
This process took about 40 minutes and it was fairly tense at times. They decided to have the legal documents in the next 2 months, but wait one year until they have the party. Everybody wins as I see it. Now it's time for the bride to join us. Plot twist! 2 women about the same shape and height walk up the stairs covered in sheets. Rocha must choose which one is Marcia. At this point, the mood is very light and the guests are shouting at him about who to pick.
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| He got it right! |
The couple kissed and exchanged rings and we all shared a champagne toast. Rocha's uncle gave a beautiful speech and at the end motioned for me to stand up. What??? Mind you, I have never met a single person in this room aside from Rocha. I awkwardly stand up and wave at everyone as the uncle explains that I work with Rocha at the university and that I am American. I can immediately feel the confusion lifted from the room, as I can imagine everyone up to that point was thinking, "Who is this white girl and what is she doing here?"
Once all the business was taken care of, we all moved downstairs for the party. In typical Angolan fashion, there were exorbitant amounts of food, drinks, and dancing. These people definitely know how to have a good time. Rocha's brother explained to me that since life is so hard and you never know what will happen tomorrow, they have to celebrate the joyous moments when they can. And celebrate we did....
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| The Newlyweds - Marcia & Rocha |
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